I have followed this post from the beginning, and have until now refrained from putting my two cents in. I get that you would like your husband to separate marriage and sex. To understand that your desire not to have sex with him doesn't mean you don't love him, or that you don't want to be married to him. Would you be OK with the reverse? If he was having sex outside of your marriage, but assured you that it had nothing to do with you, that he still loved you and that it was nothing emotional just a physical thing so that he could better accommodate your desire to maintain the marriage without sex between the two of you.

I just see it as very difficult to separate sex and marriage, marriage without sex is very difficult at best, and sex with others while married is also a very difficult trick to pull off even if all parties are OK with the situation.