After the struggle I had with my daughter I went through a long spell of feeling angry and hurt. Now, if I choose to remember it is just like hitting myself in the head. I have made and received some peaceful contacts with her but I still stop and think an awful thought based on the event. Now it is me making painful choices in my head. This is now a long time ago , five months , and I really should be over it. All the bad thoughts just make me feel terrible. It is pretty sickening to practice this bad habit. Hurts me body and being. Definitely want to stop. Need better techniques.