Eskie,ty so much.but with all respects,is there just self help and no direct talk?you know,i have tried meditation and cognition stuff taught in books,it works to some degrees,but with all respects,downsized to the problem overall.i think i need direct talk,adding in some positive experiences with a sustantial span.in my case it is in a large scale about span or amount of positives and negatives by which things are decided.
I repeat that my parents forbid me from seeking help,no friends making,for instance,if i get out of the house for a while,their faces change when i get back.they can feel my joy and forming thoughts of indepedence from them,and they spoil it by means of faultfinding and oppression if i don't give in,yet they're so unlimited to do that sabotage.in that way my irreplacable peace to rest is done.so in the next day,i am too weary to socialize again.that's it.i just can't continue the precedures to build a relationship with outside.
And can't leave either,as i am not skilled to socialize,i can't adapt to the society.
Very hard to utter all these,hope you could understand.