Thinking about suicide seems to be a usual aftereffect of being suicidal. Every time that I have been close to doing it (for me that means wanting to enough that I really wasn't sure that I wouldn't go through with it, although I never did actually make a real attempt), I have thoughts pop into my head about suicide for months later. My last time was October/November, and those thoughts haven't quite gone away yet, although it isn't something that I would do now. But still I file away plans in case something does set me off again, and I keep embellishing those plans. I'm not sure whether studying about suicide and hospitalization helps or harms, but I have a fascination with those topics too. Since I'm a psychology graduate student, I have ready access and excuses to be reading that stuff too. I really think that information is not harmful as long as you use it responsibly. If you are reading because you want to gain more understanding of what happened to you or could happen to you, and you can recognize that you aren't going to do anything to hurt yourself, I think that's probably okay. Even better if you can talk to your therapist about it.

As scary as it is to talk to your therapist about thoughts like this, I think it is more scary not to tell them. They will trust you more if you are open and honest. If you establish that you will honestly disclose your thoughts and feelings, then they will be able to have more confidence that you are working on overcoming it and will ask for help if you need it. It is when you are uncomfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings, and they can tell that you are holding back, and you have a history, that they will be suspicious and may suggest hospitalization. But as long as you can say this is what I am thinking but I don't want to do it, and give reasons why you won't do it, as well as you know what you will do to get help if it gets worse, they will be able to trust you and won't pull the hospital card (unless there is a therapeutic purpose that you agree to, and usually the hospital doesn't help people get better - just keeps them safe during a crisis). Therapists would rather not have you hospitalized if you can be safe otherwise. Help them to see that you can keep yourself safe.