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Originally Posted by Nala5065
I have very little compassion for myself because I feel like to have compassion for yourself you have to at least like one thing about yourself and since I don't like anything about myself. I pity myself more than anything. I could never hurt myself, but as far as self-esteem and compassion I can't feel those for myself only wishing I could be different.
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Nala,
You are objectively saddled with much more than your fair share of difficulties, impediments, challenges, disabilities, mobility impairments, and what not. Really, your life is an example of how unfair the world is. Unfair, simply - why did you draw the unlucky card?
I assume that you have some mental illness as well, since you are on this site, or at least a mental health concern; whether it predated your physical disability or is a result of it I do not know. But you probably have something, since you are on here.
So you are struggling with so much more an average Jane does, and yet you are making things EVEN WORSE by comparing yourself to the average Jane or to your married twin sister, and those comparisons that are sooooo much not in your favor cause you to dislike yourself and wish you could be different from what you are, making more troubles creep up on you - on top of your objective challenges you have "heaped upon" yourself low self-esteem, lack of self-compassion and self-respect, and rigid beliefs!!!
You do not need to LIKE anything about yourself to have compassion for self. Compassion for self comes from realizing that you are you, that you are special and unique and infinitely LOVEable - not LIKEable, but LOVEable, and that nobody but you is fully capable by giving you the care that you need. Is your mom capable? No, per your report, she is not. Is your sister capable? She probably feels ashamed that she is so lucky and it is hard to deliver love and care from the place of shame. Nobody currently can give you the love and care you need, so it gets dumped into your lap! The duty of caring for you got dropped into your lap - you might get some helpers, but ultimately you own it - nobody is going to care. You need to care for you. People can be supportive, but nobody would replace your own good judgment and your own
compassion for self, which is a version of unconditional love, and as such does not require that you like any aspects of you, because requiring that you like something means placing conditions on your love for yourself.