Hey... please be gentle on yourself - I have looked at the About section on your profile on this site, and you have a few things going that do NOT make communication an easy-breezy exercise in social graces.

For example, you listed dissociation; well, if you struggle with grounding and anchoring yourself to the present moment and your present environment, that probably takes quite a bit of energy on your part. So when a person who is not saddled with dissociation simply LISTENS, focusing on what is being said, you need to GROUND yourself AND LISTEN. Twice the effort. That probably means that you listen less attentively, and that, in turn, causes you to be at a loss as to how to respond.

What is the #1 requirement for forming a good response? Understanding what was said. So listening skills come first and trump everything else. If you dissociate during the time when your conversation partner is talking, you do not focus on what is being said - listening comprehension suffers. Then anxiety might kick in, making you completely at a loss.

There is another thing that MIGHT be going on. You did not report it, but it has been reported a lot by folks in similar predicaments, both on here and in RL anxiety groups and meetups I attend. So let me describe it. If it fits your profile, I will have some suggestions. If it does not fit, we will just forget about it.

So... here goes.

People who have social anxiety, schizotypal, or are just plain too self-conscious, embarrassed, etc. due to low self-esteem, poor parenting, or position of the stars... THINK OF WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO SAY WHEN THEY LISTEN.

And that pretty much kills it. It takes the focus and attention away from what is being said, in a frantic and futile attempt to rehearse, ahead of time, what the response will be. And then such people are always running after a speeding train, because that internal preoccupation and rehearsing makes it that much harder to follow the train of thought of the party that is currently doing the talking. Plus, such people view the party that is currently doing the talking as a judge - they think about what to say and how that response they are rehearsing will be viewed. But... that shortchanges the party who is talking - that party does not get the empathetic listening all humans deserve.

So, given that you have a lot of conditions that make communications challenging, I would advise you to narrow your goal DRASTICALLY. Do not plan to work on improving communication skillS, in plural. Work on improving one skill - that of attentive, empathetic listening. Do not respond verbally or respond with very simple verbal cues that only show that you follow the train of thought, and, when appropriate, empathize with the emotion expressed by your conversation partner. Good words to use are:

- sure
- I see
- Oh wow!
- oh my goodness!
- really??
- That is what she said?! I never would have thought it possible...
- Are you kidding me?
- Happy to hear thaat!
- yup
- shyt happens
- I am totally with you on this
and many more - you see where this is going.

So these are helpful WORDS and WORD COMBINATIONS.

There are also helpful non-verbal tools.

- Appropriate eye contact (we can talk more about what it is)
- nodding (but not randomly - nodding by way of showing that you follow the train of thought intellectually AND are empathetic to the expressed feelings emotionally
- having an interested facial expression and changing it in a way that befits the flow of conversation: smile, frown, express disbelief, etc.

That is plenty of homework and enough for practice makes perfect. Just a note of caution - since people like attention, if you get really good at empathetic listening, you might find your social schedule filling up rather quickly .

Best of luck and once again, just be gentle and doing it one step at a time. Plus, try to have fun doing this.