So recently I've been doing some extensive spending as well as a lot of planning and organizing and cleaning. These are both signs that I might be getting hypomanic, but I ignored them of course, continuing to not take my meds all the way. I now have been impulsively drinking and doing drugs again, spending more, I'm seriously, seriously trying to do it without my meds again, I feel pressure to talk and I want to stand on top of a building and scream and make snow angels. I want to run for hours, I don't sleep unless I take numerous sleeping aids, etc. I'm starting to worry I might be getting further into the mixed mania but it is so compelling to not take my meds. I'm so much more productive, I feel great, I'm going to lose the weight the meds made me gain, and it will be fine, right? I'm just worried about...
The crash.
Logically, I know I need my meds, but my psychiatrist is unwilling to work with me to find a med that won't make me gain weight, as he knows weight is a huge issue for me. It is so hard for me to comply with the medications, like, near impossible. It's starting to affect my school and I am worried I might flunk out my first semester of college even though I've been a straight A student my whole life. I have this idea, whether it's true or not I don't know, but I can't get it out of my head. The idea is that I KNOW I will be able to make it off of my meds this time...but I've said that before. I just...I know what to do and I know I need to take action before I no longer realize or care that I'm manic. I'm thinking about going to the college counseling center tomorrow to get some professional feedback (even though I know what they are going to say) but I haven't decided what I think is best.
I really want to try some alternative treatments for my bipolar...like the light box and dawn simulator. idk...other ideas or suggestions?
Thanks!