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Originally Posted by unjollyrodger
However about a month and a half ago her grandmother who basically raised her passed away and since then she has been on extended bout of deppresion. I know being bipolar that she needs some space but i am scared to leave her alone. Nothing i do or say seems to help. I ask her was she ready to end the relationship and she said no that she loves me and doesnt want anyone else and i feel the same. However this current episode is driving me crazy, i just cant seem to pull her out of it and she doesnt seem to want to get better.
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You know... sometimes I think that we would be better off with less knowledge, fewer psychological terms, less mental health awareness, and, emphatically, less pathologizing of normal human states!
I realize that there is an upside to mental health awareness, but what you are describing shows that there is a downside, too.
I mean... she lost the grandma who raised her - the most important of her caregivers... possibly the most important person in her life who shaped her character.
And she is not allowed to just grieve the loss.
No, we call it a bout of depression - an anomaly... a pathology.
Before the DSM, we would have said something using vivid words:
- grief
- dejection
- despondency
- melancholy
and a bunch more. But now we do not need all the refined subtlety because we have the word "depression".
You said that you are afraid to leave her alone. If you are truly afraid, can you manage to do your work or studies from home? Just to keep an eye on her and not to talk to her or AT her. If you cannot do that, can someone else come with his or her laptop to quietly use your Wi-Fi to do his or her own thing and simply keep an eye on your gf?
If you do talk to her, imagine what a person who is not into mental health would suggest to your gf. Most likely, that person would suggest that your gf tell some stories - some sad and some funny - from her childhood when she was living with grandma. Maybe go through photo albums if she keeps them. Such stuff. Connected to the cause of her grief. Because that is what makes sense.
You said that she does not want to get better. She does not owe getting better to you! She wants to lick her wounds. That process takes time. Do not rush her. And for heaven's sake, do not challenge the person who just lost her main relative with questions about whether she wants to stay with her bf. This one... oh my.
I do not mean to offend you in any way - you just seem to be a product of that patholigizing trend in society that puts a DSM label on normal human emotions, moods, and states. So please do not take it personally, but I do hope that you might one day talk to your gf about her grandma. Ask her what fairy tales or lullabies the grandma liked... you get the idea I am sure...