We had been friends for like 3 months and then I told her , I think in a way the reason why I even told her was because I was testing her to see if she would still be my friend or was she just using me . She failed the test . They all failed the test and I guess if I met me I would fail it because that is what happens .

I hate the feeling of being used it's the worse feeling to know your being used .
I was always upset that my adopted parents never changed my name I never liked it , they told me , that was what they gave me at the children's home as I have no record of my history of my birth parents .

I looked into changing my name a few years ago but it would of cost a bit of money to change everything and you would have to go to court and explain why and I was not up for all that drama .

So I did the next best thing lie about my name and I just didn't feel right and I tell myself it's a nick name people always use a nick name and not there real name but for some reason it just doesn't sit right with me .

Everytime I think about picking up the phone to call my new T voice's in my head say don't do it . If things don't get better I will force myself into a mental hospital and sign in , but I don't feel safe in a hospital bad memories from before.