Why is it that night time is the worst?

During the day things are crap and all over the place. But when It gets to the point of having to give up and go to bed, those few hours of lying there until sleep hits are the hours I find myself crying. The hours I find myself running blades up and down my arm, and the hours I contemplate suicide.

Lately my boyfriend has been so scared to leeave me that he's been staying with me every night. I hate myself more because I can't let him have his own life. I love him being there, but at the same time I don't want him there.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm so exhausted. Yet the time of day when it's 'bed time' absolutely terrifies me!

Like I'm actually scared.

I don't know what to do.

At all.

I give up