I agree exactly with what Hooligan said. Unjollyrodger, I have been in the same situation with one of my close friends. That friend does not understand that when I am severely depressed, the best thing for me is to be left alone, or else I will approach other people if and when I feel able to. It has to be when *I* feel able to, not when that other person wants it to happen. Depression doesn't work like that.

Likewise, when my friend started saying that he was upset that I wouldn't talk to him, etc, and started to take it personally, that added a hell of a lot of extra pressure to me because I felt guilty that he was upset. I said to him, "when will you understand that this is not all about you, it's about me?" I am guessing that your girlfriend may be feeling a similar way about your situation. Please don't take her depressions personally; doing that will just make her feel worse. And please never think or tell her that she "doesn't want to feel better" because that is almost saying that it is her fault that she feels depressed. That will also make her feel much worse.

The bottom line is this - if you really want to help her, then give her space and let her process her thoughts at her own speed. And especially please don't put extra unnecessary pressure on her by bringing in this "do you want to end the relationship now" stuff. That sounds far too much like an ultimatum. Again, that's not nice.

I hope this makes sense, and I hope your poor girlfriend starts to improve soon. At the end of the day, someone very close to her has died, and anyone would be depressed by that, BP or not.