I know, it sounds ridiculous but it's an inner battle to take my meds...a little tiny voice in me says to take them but the majority of me believes I can do it this time, that I can make it without them. I am more than willing to take meds I guess but I have certain things I am looking for in meds too. I'm sick of pdocs disregarding my concerns and feelings because it doesn't help me stay on my meds.
Mostly the depression symptoms are my lack of motivation to do the things I normally do as well as feelings that I do more harm than good. Some days even though I can't sleep I can't seem to get out of bed and I'm neglecting my basic hygiene. I feel very irritable and easy to anger.
I've only been med free for a day and a half so I don't think my current feelings are due to stopping it. My lithium levels were low before that and I had recently decreased my Risperdal as well.
I've called my psych and am hoping to hear back from her on if I can get in sooner than my appointment time because I do know this is going to get more extreme before it gets better...and I already have thoughts about jumping off roofs and going 150 down the freeway...so I know it's only a matter of time before I start acting out these things.

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