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eskielover · Nov 18, 2014, 02:59 PM

HALLIE

Quote:

So basically, Im a failure.

You aren't a failure, you just haven't found the path for your life YET & that isn't being a failure. God will open the doors that he wants for you to go through & you will know when they open

.....PATIENCE....not failure my special friend

Lets see, at the age of 26.....things were going ok except that I had been married from the age of 21 & there was nothing but conflict & fighting because I was darned if I was going to become societies version of the HOUSEWIFE.

I had graduated with an AA in music at the age of 20 (was in junior college for 3 years). Then I transferred to the local state university where I changed my major to Accounting Information Systems/computer science minor & was pushing to get my BS degree to to some sort of maybe business software programming. I got married in 1975 at the age of 21, took a semester off of college in the fall of 1976 to travel over to Rome Italy with my H on the job that he was doing.....5 weeks roaming around Rome all alone.....I couldn't have asked for a better experience.

By the next summer I ended up pregnant.....not my idea of what I really wanted but decided that was as good of time as any even though I initially kicked my H out of the apartment when he claimed that I could just take time off from my college....exactly what I had told him I wouldn't do even before we got married.....so it was WAR....but MY parents offered to care for her while I went to school & after I graduated. I was 25 when I had our daughter......& I finished up my degree 10 months later (it was my Christmas gift to myself that year).....& I had gone to the college placement office & gone through the interviews & I actually had 3 job offers to choose from before I graduated. I picked the best offer & started immediately after graduation.....no time to rest or recover after graduation that winter. I hit the age of 26 about a month after I started my career.

We had acquaintances of mine in the marriage....but H's friends weren't the kind of guys I really wanted to be around....but let him have his friends & his time.....I was independent & didn't need to be with him all the time or control who he was going to be with.

I had my music chamber groups that I was also involved with along with trying to make sure I put in a lot of time to make a good impression at my new position. Had a wonderful group I worked with & we played racquettball at the club where the company membership provided.....I felt like I was living in luxury. The company was in Westwood right where UCLA was & it was right next to Beverly Hills. When we weren't playing racquettball & doing trounaments, we were wandering the shops in Beverly Hills or having a picnic in the UCLA botanical gardens. Guess being an only child I was always very independent & that played a part in my marriage also............

So that was pretty much were I was at the age of 26....no mental illness issues existed & life was very much normal.....even though I do know that I had little parts of anorexia going on when I would get stressed & couldn't eat....I would always loose a lot of weight but the stressful time would clear up & so would my NOT eating.....didn't realize until the age of 42 that the foundation for my anorexia was in place already.

Life was basically good......I had one good friend that I had been friends with from Junior High.....but after we both got married, we went in different directions & her H was a biologist & so was she & he didn't want to have anything to do with anyone who wasn't in the field of biology.....so we just went our different ways. I had several friends from church & many who I knew through my music which I was very actively involved with.

I always knew that there was something that was a problem with my H but couldn't put my finger on it until just a few months ago....but it made all the issues that we had in our marriage become clear & understandable & I was right to leave after those 33 years.....gave him enough chances to work together on the marriage.....it was OVER....it was OVER....I didn't even grieve the loss of the marriage....only the loss of what I had wished the marriage would have been & never was.....but that was all invisable at the time other than the fights that we constantly had over his attitudes & his financial irresponsibility.

By the time I was just over 27, I was getting established in the aerospace industry as a firmware design engineer programming military communications systems & I loved the work I was doing....& I loved being one of the only women working in that department.....& I continued playing racquetball with all the guys I worked with. It was an awesome life until the age of 42 when it all fell apart.....but I had a good 20 years until 1994 of success & basic enjoyment of life other than the fighting that continually happened in the marriage