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withit said:
I find the idea that 'I need to change' unhelpful. It doesn't help me at all.

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I am total agreement here. I used to go into therapy with the attitude that I need to change, I need to reduce my symptoms, I need to get better, etc.

This is when I lost motivation. When I didn't see those results.

Now I experience therapy with the goal of just wanted to learn-- gain insight, capture a greater understanding of myself.

I never run out of motivation here. I am always eager for the experience, even during the extremely difficult phases.

Similarly to you, my transference with my T is ridiculously intense at this time. I am trying to work through it rather than look at it as a barrier-- transference is a good thing, even if it feels awful. And sometimes it really does feel %#@&#! awful.