My mother physically, verbally and emotionally abused me from birth to when i finally escaped at the age of 20 (i ran away three times before then, but was always sent back). She threatened to kill me numerous times and every so often took the daily 'discipline' so far that I was left in no doubt she could kill me. Often I wished she would.

Alongside this, my father sexually abused me, starting at age 4 and continuing on and off until I was 18 or so. It stopped for a year or so when i was 10 after he groped the babysitter (i still blame myself for this), but started again once the heat from that died down.

I was also bullied all through high school, and raped by a friend's boyfriend when i was 16. I couldn't tell my parents and didn't report it as i had no support around me.

For me, the worst part was that my father ignored everything my mother did to me, even when i begged him to protect me from her (i was more afraid of her than i was of him). And she knew what he was doing too (she caught him coming out of my room one night) and chose to ignore it. The way they each ignored the other's behaviour (and the way it was ignored by other people who witnessed things) seemed to confirm that it was my fault and i deserved it.

I have huge gaps in my memory, and a fragmented inner world, because i dissociated extensively. The one thing i do not have is a happy childhood memory. When i wasn't dissociated, i lived in terror.

It's taken 3.5 years in therapy to be able to say that i was abused, and most of the time i still blame myself and feel disloyal for talking about it.