ShyPoetGirl: once again, I thought of you when I saw a big and very gracious woman at the bank today. She was a teller and I saw her face, upper body, right arm and right hand.

She had extremely pale skin - and flawless, too, probably like yours. A round face. Probably in her early 50s. Soft hair in a bun. Very round - round upper arms, a round bust, fat round wrists (by the way, such wrists on women used to be considered an epitome of beauty in the era gone by). A slight bit of a second chin but ever so slight and very lovely - on your profile picture you have the same.

Her clothing was subdued in grey hues, but on her right index finger she had a huge black shining metal ring in the shape of a bird with spread wings. It was very bold looking. I complimented her and said that I love unusual rings but do not have the courage to actually go wear something like this. She smiled, revealing the yummiest dimples ever.

She was clearly Caucasian, but her last name was Japanese. So she must be married or has been married to a Japanese guy in the past.

And she was gracious, welcoming, self-confident, and altogether delightful.

Nobody would say that she "let herself go".

I thought of you, found the thread in my gmail, clicked through, and noticed a new avatar. That piqued my curiosity and I clicked through to your profile. What struck me is how small your second chin is. At that angle at which your face is tilted on your profile picture, most people would show a second chin. Yes, you have porcelain skin and the darkness of your hair illuminates your complexion because of how contrasts work in your favor. The frame of your eyeglasses is stylish. It is also becoming to you - round spectacles would not go well with the contour of your face. So either you have a good taste or your optometrist's office staff or your mom - whoever chose the glasses made a good call.

Fat is distributed differently on different people, to some extent. Butt/thighs/face/tummy/upper arms - that differs. So it is hard to say how exactly the shape of your body currently looks, but I can bet that you are not huge.

There is nothing wrong in being huge - I am just saying that your assumption that other people think of you as a huge girl seems suspect to me, because if you were truly huuuge, then your face would have far more fat on it. Looking at your face, I would say that you are chubby, but not beyond that.

Again, there is nothing wrong with being huge and a huge woman can be smart, elegant, and graceful. I just want to make sure that you don't get me wrong.

What seems to be a problem is that you attribute negative thoughts about you to other people who in reality might not be forming such negative opinions on you. In your world, being huge IS negative, so for you to say that others might think that you are a huge is an example of highly negative thinking.

Lastly, I think that there is a big problem with what prompted the title of your thread.

You must have read or been told by a therapist or a dr that you must care for yourself, must eat well, and must exercise. It just does not seem that the idea of doing those things has been conceived by you. It seems that it has been imposed on you from without. Would you agree or disagree?