I am so sorry that you are having a bad time right now. I see that you are on meds but maybe you need to talk to the doctor and see if he need to change them or the dosage a bit. Congratulations on not giving in to the drinking urge. I know that must be terribly hard for you but you have the strength to resist it and I think that's wonderful. I think you need to consider spending some time apart from your other half if that is at all possible. He is not good for your health, either mental or physical.