>What helps me is, to become VERY AWARE of when they do, and then telling myself to STOP thinking those thoughts.
When they appear i instantly losing any control, don't know why. My mood is going down in a second after a thought appears and after this second its too late to say stop, because i am already ruined. Also, so many things work like triggers to me. I would be tired to name all of them. Just so tiny things, as some skype smile emotion can get me back into regret and suffering. Im surrounded by triggers, they everywhere.

>finding a good thought to replace it.
But what to do if you don't have any good thoughts?

>I realized I had lost YEARS of any good memories what so ever.
Great for you. I looked back at my life and saw only pathetic and miserable attempts to socialize, all of them failed in one way or another.

>It sounds cliche'd, but, it really does take time to heal the hurt you've suffered.
How much time?

>That's just two people.
Closest people i ever had. How to forgive myself for spending so much time on them and screwing this up in the end? I am that kind of person who have it very hard when it comes to finding new friends and girlfriends. In 5 years of college i made only one friend and he got expelled. It will be one month until the studies are over. Its safe to say that i lost almost all the college opportunities to meet people, especially girls, which were 65% of all students. I regret it so much. I am awkward creep that should not have any relationship in the first place. I would be much happier right now. All the good moments i had with those two came for so high price of suffering that i wish i never had them.