Hi Nature...

I'm so sorry that your friend didn't understand. Sometimes though, it's either too soon to talk about serious stuff like that (it freaks people out if they don't know you well enough), or sometimes people get triggered by their own stuff and run away. I'm like... I think that I hurt alot of people in my past (unintentionally) because their stuff triggered me, and I just disappeared on them, and they never understood why. It's hard!

And, sorry about your name. Just for the record, I absolutely do not think there's anything wrong with using a "nickname". I wouldn't think twice about it if I met someone and found out they were using a nickname because they didn't like their real name. In fact, there was a guy in college I knew that had a very difficult to pronounce Russian name, but he went by "Steve" because it was easier, and he liked it better. I've got another friend now with a Korean name that sounds a bit odd in English and difficult for people to understand, so she tried using a more Americanized name for awhile and I think still does on her personal email. It's totally ok.

The other option is - if your name lends itself to making an actual nickname out of, so that it is still the same name, but maybe less triggering? But I'm sure you've already thought about that... and sorry, I feel like I'm in problem-solving mode and maybe not being super helpful.

I would still encourage you to call the new T. Even if just to get a chance to talk with her and see if you might possibly click. Or to do one session, but don't commit to more until you feel comfortable. You mentioned not feeling safe in the hospital, and I would think that the T could help you dealing with everything going on now in the best way possible, to give you the best shot at avoiding the hospital!

(((Nature))) good luck!