Asides from the obvious issues, I like that I'm an unusual case. There's always something new to look into and read about but thats where the "fun" ends. I have a Psychiatrist and I'm fortunate enough for that service to be covered because I'm in Canada but I'm looking into getting a Psychologist at a clinic that offers psychosocial services which is also covered but has a lengthy waiting list. My Psychiatrist let's me skirt the issues and maneuver around not opening up and really talking about what's going on. Its all kept on a very superficial level. I see her about once a month for 40 minutes and she asks about my meds and how my month went. I have tried at times to express certain issues and she doesn't know how to respond, saying things like, I know that its difficult for you but your intelligent so I know you can handle this. She's extremely incompetent and its so frustrating. I may do my own inquiries into my psychological makeup and have an understanding of certain aspects but I'm not able to figure it all out myself and do the work of a professional in helping myself. I feel very alone.

As for work, I've been off for a while and I'm not sure I would be able to go out everyday and maintain a stable schedule just yet. I dont get too anxious but I dread having to interact with others in person like work colleagues and even hiding behind the anonymity of a cubicle and phone overwhelms me. This weekend I have to attend my neighbor's son's birthday dinner. I play soccer and Monopoly with the little guy and he asked his parents if I could attend and I don't know how the hell to act around 3 kids and 2 adults all at once. Its one thing to play sports or board games with a six year old because his older brothers ignore him and he always asks me to play, but its another having to deal with the whole family at a sit down dinner. I'm used to the neighborly conversations we have outside about the dog and weather and what's happening in our area. This is a different dynamic and I'm at a loss. Also, they speak French, which I do speak but I have trouble understanding and I'm always asking for them to repeat themselves. What a conundrum! I have to sit down and converse in a language that I have only basic comprehension of. I'm gonna have to write your step by step advice on my arm. I'm making things light hearted but I'm freaking out. This is gonna be a hell of a challenge but I'm gonna implement your advice and go from there.

I feel very at ease telling you all these things. Your easy to open up to. I'd like a buddy who understands and I'd like to keep in contact with you. I'd like to know a bit more about you but I didn't wanna pry. Totally up to you.