You know I hated you after the third paragraph and ALMOST stopped reading. But I'm glad that I didn't...you redeemed yourself by the end of the post. Kinda like you did in the cat's eyes, right?
We ALL make mistakes that we are ashamed of, the difference only lies in the magnitude of the offense and then again in the penance we deliver back. We're you a nice guy???HELL NO...did you learn and change and grow from this grievous mistake??? Yes, so you know what, you now continue the process of forgiving yourself and it may just take a lifetime. You certainly are not alone in this, though. Big hug for you.