I am 17 weeks pregnant with twins and I have been seeing a therapist for over a month.
I have severe depression, anxiety, and ocd. I have been having trouble focusing at work and my regular daily activities.
Before I got pregnant I was on antidepressants and anxiety medication and was doing well. Since the pregnancy I weened safely of my medicine. Recently, my OB put me back on a low dose of antidepressant to try and help me.
It has gotten a little more manageable. However, I am still having the terrible symptoms associated with these illnesses. I constantly have obsessive thoughts and panic attacks. I'm having trouble sleeping, concentrating, focusing and working.
After next week I will no longer be working due to these issues.
The therapist is trying to help me cope. My husband and I will be moving in to his mothers house next week. We will be moving 2 hours away and my husband will have to find a new job. We will have to stay with her until we can get out of debt and save enough money to find a place we can afford on just his income.
I asked the therapist today if she thought I should file for disability and she thought it would be a good idea. She said it was a positive move for me. She said it be good to focus on something aside from all the negative thoughts.
I've been feeling very vulnerable and inadequate because I have nothing to contribute to this pregnancy or their birth. I'm not good at relying on anyone but myself. If I can contribute a little bit of income this way I think it will help reduce my anxiety significantly.
There is just one problem. I'm severely paranoid about having mental health issues and receiving help for them because I worry about it being used against me one day. What if I try to find work when I'm better and I'm denied a job because of my mental history? What if my husband decides to leave me one day? Can he use my mental history to take my babies away from me?
I know these thoughts may sound irrational and dark. I can't help it. I obsess over everything and don't want to do anything that may have have a negative impact on me or my children when they are born. I started filing for disability today but stopped because of these fears. I didn't want to tell my husband why I didn't finish because he would be really hurt. Can someone give me some answers and supportive advice to move forward? Please help me with these questions. Thank you for any suggestions you may have.