You need to put the needs of your babies first. They need a mommy who is stable and can care for them. I think filing for disability is a very good idea. It will ease your mind that you are still contributing to the family finances and that should ease the anxiety level. The past is done and you can't change it, the future is only a possibility but today is an opportunity. Use it to get healthy because your health affects the health of your babies more than you realize right now. You can only do one day at a time so don't waste it worrying about possibilities. Your husband's love and your babies are a sure thing right now. Cherish it and enjoy it. You deserve it sweetie!