I was drinking heavily. Perhaps in my attempt to keep order I went a little OCD and would take dishes out of the dishwasher and wash them by hand. Sometimes taking all the dishes out of the cupboard and washing them as well. It was so out of character but I absolutely loved it, in a nervous kind of way.

As the night progressed I'd feel so out of control emotionally and ended up cutting my wrists but after watching it bleed get scared and go get stitched up. I didn't want to die but I didn't want to live, if that makes sense. This was on repeat for several weeks.

This all happened after it was decided we were going to move out of the city and into small town living. I was so nervous about it all but still excited for a change and chance for my kids to live the way I did in a small town, it's freedom and safety was appealing.

Was that a mixed thing or hypo thing?