A question was posted on facebook to tell about your first date with the love of your life. That started me thinking...the love of my life is certainly not my ex-husband. After a very brief engagement we were married, I then discovered after only 2 weeks that I had married the completely wrong person! I was very young and naive, the only excuse I have for doing such an idiotic thing.

This had me thinking about the guy that I obsessed over for a couple of years when I was 17, I felt I truly loved him. Only got to barely talk to him once I think, wow that makes me feel like a ginormous loser. The only time that I felt that overwhelming in love with someone was with an actor that I only saw in a television series. I made facebook posts with his photos and also pinterest boards with tons of his photos. If I see him still, I can get giddy. This all sounds like I am extremely emotionally immature. Of all the people that I have dated, lots of guys and a few women, I have no idea that I ever met my soul mate or any love of my life. How sad is that? Guess I am just unlovable.

I truly ended up hating my ex-husband so much it was ridiculous. I felt trapped in that relationship for 10 years, could not get away from him until I could finish nursing school and leave. He was toxic. He was a self centered, selfish user and abuser. There are a lot of words to describe him. I could write a book! So I could hardly call him a love of my life at all.

So, not sure I ever even met anyone that really loved me. Once again, that makes me feel even more like a pathetic human being. I am not too old to meet someone, but I guess my lack of self esteem and anxiety issues are going to make that impossible. Indeed a truly tragic thing that I am going to have to live alone and sad for the rest of my life. I wish that I was strong enough to change things.