It sounds to me like you felt a lack of control over your situation. With bpd being your primary health concern listed, I can understand this. You loved washing and re washing things because you had control over the situation. You weren't washing them because you thought they were dirty or had germs on them.

Being emotionally out of control. Tick bpd for that.

Self harm. Double tick bpd for that one. Yip. Totally get you didn't want to die. Your emotions are just trapped and looking for an outlet.

Safety? Triple check. That's bpd too.

Look, I have said all of the above out of my own personal experiences with both bipolar and borderline.

I'm not really viewing any of your behavior as hypo (remember I'm not medically assessing you).

I think it's your bpd Black and White All or Nothing popping through.

Have you ever had a diagnosis of bipolar?