I'm guessing here... so take my opinion just as that, my opinion. It's obvious that you are very uncomfortable and I can relate to that! You are apparently still a teenager or early 20's? Your grandmother doesn't know how to help you, and she's surely trying to figure out a way to motivate you into finding your path in life. Is there any organization you would consider trying just to 'throw her a bone' that you're making an effort, as well as doing it for yourself? Nothing on earth is as gratifying when you're starting out as becoming self sufficient! Of course that doesn't include living on the street, I've heard of something called JOB Corp? **I think that's the name** or even signing up to get your GED if you haven't finished HS. Have you tried to talk honestly with your grandma and explain to her your difficulties? Us 'old ladies' sometimes live in the shroud of our own miserable upbringings and need a jolt of real world to see past our judgmental opinions! I really wish you well ~ I hope you find some venue to encourage you to create a future!