I can understand what youre going through. I havent ever felt this much panic or anxiety before while at home but I know what it feels like to be judged by family members or be questioned about the way that you feel. I used to be downstairs with everyone while watching Tv but everytime there would be a comment made or they would find some way to make me feel like rubbish and after a while it made me feel so bad I avoided being downstairs with them at all and just stayed in my room all day. This only made it worse because they had a reason to shout at me or make comments because I was isolating myself from everyone else and making it obvious to them that I wasnt around them but they would never take responsibility for the fact that if they hadnt of treated me that way, I wouldnt spend my time in my room all the time. Even when I tried to make an effort and make myself go downstairs with them, they would point that out and again make you feel stupid because they would let you become aware that youre hardly downstairs so thats why you dont know whats happening or "oh look who it is, youve finally come downstairs" rather than just being happy that I wanted to spend time with them. Forcing yourself to go up to them isnt easy, especially because youre expecting them to say something to you and the idea that you could be questioned about why youre down there or why youre not spending time with your family may be making you feel uneasy and worried and leading to you feeling anxious. I am not sure how close you are with other members of your family and from readin previous comments I can see that your grandma perhaps isnt the best person to speak with. but just someone who you could talk to, a close friend, a family member, teacher, just anyone you are able to verbally express everything to could in some way take off that little bit of worry and anxiety. It could even help you slowly start to spend more time with everyone, obviously only a little bit at a time, and eventually you may feel a little bit more comfortable being with everyone and maybe your grandma would stop with the looks and questions,
im not sure how helpful this is but i hope it does help because you dont deserve to feel like this and being stopped from being around everyone because of the way they make you feel x