For a year and a half, I have seen T as a object. And I have been quite content with that. A blank slate for which I can engage in transference and get angry at without judgement.

I think I'm getting %#@&#! tired of seeing him as a object. But not ready to accept him as a person.

Evidence to support this?

My increasing anger and irritation towards him-- perhaps a provocation to break him down into humanness-- most human beings wouldn't be able to handle being treated like that.

Getting very upset in session on Friday, telling him that I have to feel the intensity of the relationship, and he doesn't feel anything in reciprocation. I have no doubt that he feels things along with me in session.. an object would be able to do so, to cater emotion along with me in the here and now. But a real person would feel things towards another person. I believe that the minute I walk out the door, he doesn't give me a thought until the next time he sees me.

I think I might want to see him as human. But I am not ready yet. I don't know what to do because this conflict almost makes it as if I don't even want to deal with him at all anymore.

I think this is stemming a lot from the last session... how I didn't feel as though he was giving me what I needed... the lame, empathetic comments, the perception that I was too intense for him... It all seemed so.... human.

But I didn't like it.

%#@&#! analysts.

He doesn't make himself accessible like that.