Hello. You all know what bulimia is, so you are familiar with what I am going through. I can just add that I don't consider myself fat, I'm just a bit chubby and that's actually the way I like myself. So I'm not desperately trying to lose weight, I'm not looking at supermodels feeling jealous, I don't want to be skinny, or thin, even. I don't even care about the general beauty standarts of our thoughtless world or society. So it's not about that.

Anyway, I've been sick for the last 6 or 7 years, I don't even remember. Noone knows I'm sick, even I myself pretend that nothing's wrong, which is really interesting. I mean apart from this I consider myself perfectly normal and healthy, but then all of a sudden I realise I'm doing something abnormal and hiding it from the rest of the world.

A few months ago I decided to get help. I made all the excuses not to go see the doctor when the day came, but eventually I plucked up my courage and dealt with it. I was sure I didn't want any medication because that's just not my thing. I just wanted to talk, be listened and maybe even get some advice, I don't know. At the end the doctor listened to me for 5 mins top and he was even angry at me for some reason and kept asking me if mum kicked me out of the house when I was a teenager. I don't even know how that's relevant (but she didn't). He made me feel awful. So after 5 mins with no advice, no help, no medication, no nothing, I left the doctor's office in tears. I don't want to go back. Even if it is someone else.

In conclusion, I hate doing this. I want to be normal, I want to be healthy. I tell myself not to do it and I can have 4-5 days without doing it but then I'm always thinking about what to eat, what not to eat, when to eat and when not to eat! Then I start again and I feel relieved. Usually when I'm home alone I can't have a minute of peace without finding myself in front of the fridge. I just can not stop eating when I'm alone.

I just want to lead a normal life, not constantly thinking about food or eating something. Can I do it without getting professional help? Anyone ever succeeded? What should I do?

Thanks!