texasgirl,

I sent you a PM a couple days ago - no response. People are posting on your thread - no response from you. I have been and in a large part still am in your shoes, but to an extreme, grotesque extent. I have now reread your post and it makes me so MAD. Just do not take it personally and listen to me because I made all of those mistakes - every single one, except that my ex H apparently is still not dating anyone 5+ years later but in the past I would think about how tough it would be on me when he starts dating, and these ridiculous thoughts consumed my mind, even though for a short while. I now see very well how ridiculous these thoughts were.

Look - he exploited your vulnerable position, convinced you that your position was much weaker than it was in reality, moved the children away from you when you were in a mental hospital and unable to assert your custody rights which you then HAD, and has been doing and is still doing outrageously bad things to you... and you are consumed by thoughts of his starting to date too soon. You did not have a lawyer and were not represented. Ex H is exploitative. You should see it this way, and try to see things very clearly as facts, not clouded by your emotions:

- he held the diagnosis over your head
- so he must have felt that your diagnosis made you less fit for parenting
- but, if the dx and the condition makes you so weak that you cannot parent, that is only MORE reasons and MORE grounds for you to have effective representation by counsel, since somebody who owes you the duty of zealous representation and unlike you is not weak would have protected your rights and advanced your best interests.

So your ex H took two mutually exclusive positions at the same time:

1) for the purposes of signing away your rights and placing yourself at his mercy you were deemed having full decision-making capacity, by him and by the judge

2) for the purposes of custody and visitation, you were deemed lacking capacity by your ex H who convinced you that that was the case and the judge did not overrule him because judges are busy and if ex spouses agree between themselves, it is all good for moving things along on the court calendar.

So that is what your ex H did to you.

That is a very major betrayal; one of the worst types of betrayal.

After he did that, whether he dates or not should not matter to you. Your attempts at being extra cordial with him should also stop, and you need to be very clear on your boundaries and on what you would not tolerate. I would send the ex H a letter tomorrow night and give him a week to either give up his plan and agree to maintain the current arrangement or you will take steps against him. If you log on before tomorrow, we can draft such a letter for you here. But you need to start responding, because you are now probably still in position to reverse the unfair custody order but soon will lose your case due to the statute of limitations. Hopefully this would be a wake up call for you and you will start thinking about truly important matters and claiming your life and rights back. Hope to hear from you very soon.