Mefisto - paradoxical approach is not limited to insomnia and is just what the dr ordered for you, but if you do not want to try it, that is fine. Just do not assume that it would not work. You are making it very difficult for pretty much everyone to help you because you get defensive and assume the position of a hurt victim and not a problem-solver. If you want to solve this problem, you need to be able to tolerate the thought of her choosing him because at that point you paled in comparison. If you do not face the somewhat unpleasant reality, you will be stuck in this vicious circle for a very long time. That you think that you burned your bridges is not news to me, captain obvious, and when I suggested that you graciously resolve the situation by going back to them as a friend, I mean exactly that you would resolve it despite having done things that made you believe that you burned the bridges with them. Had you not burned the bridges, going back to them would not have required grace and diplomacy, so by writing "graciously" I showed to you that I realized that you thought that you burned the bridges. Thus, before you tell others that they are captain obvious, you need to take a hard look at yourself and see if you by any chance are captain obvious.

If you want this thread to be a rant, just say so. People post rants - it is OK - but they are upfront about it. You posted as a problem to solve and not as a rant, but you pretty much have resisted any attempt by anyone to give you suggestions by always being defensive. It is exasperating to see how you do not let people help you in any way - the responses on your thread have come from different angles as people have been trying different approaches, all to be met with defensiveness and reproach.

When they say that when a person does not want to help himself, others cannot help him, either, there might be some truth to it, after all.

By the way, the last post does display a bit of paranoia in that you would not trust ex best friend to involve you in his projects. What do you mean by that? Is he a mafia member to have such full control over what you would be paid in cash by helping you with his projects? Unless he is a mafia member, there would be some written agreement outlining the scope of your tasks and what you will be paid - you will not be at his mercy; you would be providing services for a fee.

You are also confusing the duty of care with simple caring. the duty of care that, say, a professional you engage, such as a dr., or a bank administering a trust in your name, have to you requires them to first and most protect your best interest, even if their best interest suffers. In couples, love/friendship, people care about one another but also, ideally, care about their own self-interest. You do not necessarily know whether the ex best friend simply callously disregarded your best interest. He probably considered it, but decided that his desire to be with your gf was more important to him that your loss of the gf and even his loss of you as a friend. He advanced his best interest. That it hurts you is very understandable, but you should also realize that he has his own desires, his druthers, plans, etc. I am not clear how exactly the gf went from you to him, but it seems that she dropped you very soon after she got on with him. So it is not as if she had been leading a double life for years, deceiving you in the process. She rather dumped you for him. It is hurtful to you, but you did not own her. By saying that THEY had a duty of care to you, you forget that this belief would lead you to acknowledge that YOU had a duty of care to THEM. But then their happiness should have figured into the equation.

If you start seeing it as a complex matter and not as a "the world is all against me and I am a victim in all of my important relationships", you might feel better soon simply by disengaging from the perpetual victimhood.

What would you do if you were your gf? What would you do if you were your ex best friend?