Please try to be kind to yourself....Use that blame and shame.....to make a difference in the world....that is what I am doing; it takes you out of yourself when you are helping others; you could also help support an animal shelter...volunteering, etc. My cat is 13 (72 in human years). I (not intentionally) cut off a part of his tail ; ;I was holding the door open and closed it too soon....I felt horrible, but it couldn't be helped....you have so much empathy and compassion.....now use it/them!.......Hugs

P.S. You could plant a tree in his memory.