Quote:
Originally Posted by hannabee
I was just trying to be helpful. Actually, I've been through 1 divorce and 1 annulment. The divorce wasn't even needed, as it turned out he was still married to his first wife. He actually sold the house we bought together and lived in, bought a bar, ran it into debt and after I caught him cheating, he gave me a black eye. Oh, and he left me with the bar, which I had to sell six months later to pay off the bills and back rent on it. I was 19 when I married him and had just been attacked and stabbed while at work. I married the first man to ask. It lasted 4 years. Did I get screwed? YUP
The second one was a few years later. We lived together 1 year and then eloped. It lasted another month, maybe...he drank too much, rather like my abusive father, so I left him with no more than what I came with. (he made sure of that)...did I get screwed? YUP
Third and present one told me he was divorced...not true, but he was the best of the bunch so far, so he divorced his wife (he was cheating on her with me, but like I said I thought he was already divorced) and we married. Still together 34 years later. I took care of the finances though, so I always was prepared, if he ever wanted to leave me.
You were too trusting but that is a very sad commentary for marriage, isn't it?
Were I you, I wouldn't give up, if you can, in fact, appeal. Unfortunately for you, if you appeal I doubt he's responsible for attorney fees. IDK, maybe call around and see. You said you had a lawyer, I thought anyway, what do they say about the settlement?
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I see you have a lot more life experience. Anyway, let me be clear: I loved my husband very much, I never had a bad thing to say about him, he was the most intelligent, funny and responsible man, a very good father, a very well rounded person... I yet don't know what happened, what overcame him to make such a hasty and totally out of character decision... I'm yet disconcerted, overwhelmed and appalled by everything that happened. Yes, there were some issues but I assumed them to be part of the trade off in a partnership: you accept the other with warts and all, and more so after a long life together. I let him be, never complained not wanting to be seen as b...ching, assumed that he needed his space, and so on... to found out that he was labeled as a ''codependent'' by his therapist!!! Codependency my a...!!! What were his issues, I never knew nor will I know... But now, yes, I think I will appeal because how this business ended seems to me very lopsided and unfair: I got way less than a 1/4 of his total income as a permanent alimony. I cannot figure out the judge's reasoning behind her decision, so I'll expect to receive the final document to make a decision regarding to appeal or not, but, yes I'm inclined to do so... My lawyer was very frustrated and upset at the ruling, it was very clear that she wasn't expecting it. And there are a lot of other issues to make clear yet: how I'm going to build my retirement fund at the same time that him? how I'm going to get the alimony amended each year he gets an increase in income? what about his property abroad when it'll begin generating income for him - FATCA anyone? ... I cannot believe yet how I ended like this when I always made for him what it was expected, what he asked for and so on...
Thanks anyway for your interest and support; a lot of the tips I received from you helped me to have a more accurate perspective of what I was immersed into.