Hi unikitty, you try again in your own time, OK?? and wishing you lots of luck and strength
And look, if you only get as far as the bathroom that's OK too. It's still a step, it's still an achievement!!!
What you're achieving now (whatever you're managing) is probably taking a whole lot more out of you than what you did a month ago anyway, right??!! So please don't "beat yourself up" about it. It's not your fault, what you're talking about so clearly is depression and you're not choosing it.
And even if you're not feeling sad/unhappy when you're not doing anything then I guess you're still feeling numb, empty, separated from things, like you're on autopilot............and that's still depression
So maybe some (more?) professional help with the way you're feeling, do you think? It can be possible to "turn that corner", maybe (probably!) not quickly, but it can be.
So the more help you can get..........and here is a great place to get understanding and support too. So welcome to PC.
Again wishing you luck and strength!!
And if you want to talk...............
Alison