My Support Forums - View Single Post - I have this, BUT I don't WANT TO "get better"

Cygnus8548 · Nov 20, 2014 at 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RieRie123

I used to be sooooo "sociable" and I liked being active with friends and I liked having boyfriends and getting a lot of attention.

I never knew, until recently what the heck my disorder was, but I've closed myself off from everything and everyone after years of abuse, many deaths, and then, when my son died, I got "way too" reclusive. My family has concerns, but they are not going to push me about it. They tried gently nudging and it just made me even worse.

I hide out. I don't date. I have no real sex drive (and I used to be overboard with that drive thing), I have a total "I don't give a rat's fanny" attitude about most anything and I do not like to leave home or be around people. I get very anxious when there is a crowd or there is company around. I fear "getting well". Being closed off (and living behind a keyboard) is MUCH SAFER. I am protecting myself from getting hurt again by not letting myself care again. Yes, I may miss out on "true love" but to me, it's not worth that risk. Love is over-rated and relationships are a pain in the arse.

I do realize that a lot of this is from depression, but I am a recluse. I love feeling safe inside the house.

Anyone else?

Thoughts?

I just joined PC and am glad to identify my lifelong (I am 72) schizoid personality disorder. I have all of the conditions you describe but not to their seriousness, but I think it is helpful to realize that there is comfort in being alone because it removes the pain of contact with others. So we can say that we are normal within OUR framework. It looks like it is difficult to change this, maybe many would enjoy talk therapy but I do not because the therapist is just going to say "express your feelings, talk to them"
Good luck