If you are sending an email that is appologizing, what is the closure for you?

You said you did not cuss at everyone or create a big scene, even though inside you were being triggered (which by the way was a lot for you to keep control over, so good for you). All you were doing is fighting for yourself, make sure you don't feel guilty for that. You are trying and you "want help" to heal, nothing wrong with that. Sometimes PTSD can bring on regrets that one has to learn not to listen to because it's the ptsd talking and not anything "you" are doing wrong. I have had to deal with that a lot myself, and I catch myself and remind myself I should not be feeding into that negative ptsd symptom.

That is one of the reason's I talk about the "one day at a time", because I have learned that I did have a lot of triggers and each time I was triggered I had to work through it, often over and over and literally one day at a time even a moment at a time when it was bad, but, I began to notice I was improving "very slow and gradually" but improving just the same.

Honestly, people even professionals can't really appreiciate how much work it really is, not if they have not experienced what it is like first hand.