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I have a question, and it is one to which I would very much like an answer.
Here's my problem: the things people say to me when they are angry stick to me.
More specifically, they can't take it back after they have said whatever it was, because I believe it. It stays under my skin as infallible truth. I have met apologies with acceptance, I understand that anger can be blinding and change a person's perceptions, and I understand that the natural thing to do it make amends and let go. But what I often find is that when people come back to me and say "I'm sorry for what I said I didn't mean it; it wasn't really true" I find myself unable (I have tried) to feel that what they are saying while they apologize is actually the truth, even if they later regret having told it. Perhaps I see that whatever was said in anger was said without filters, or judgement of consequence, and therefore, must be the truth of what they think? To be clear though, I am perfectly capable of forgiveness; I forgive the anger itself just fine, as well as whatever else applies. I understand the concept of apology. I apologize readily to others whenever I mess up in any way, and acknowledge readily what my part on the situation was and will happily explain my own emotional or misguided motives if it is called for. But somehow, the whole "I didn't mean it" thing just doesn't work or something. Why even say it if it isn't true?
I try not to say things that are not true. And I have been given to understand that a normal person's response to an apology is to easily dismiss whatever angry words were said. So, for others, "it wasn't true" becomes an acceptable truth, but for me it doesn't.
Is something wrong with me? Is there a clinical term for this? Is there a book I can read about how to be a better person in this regard? Does anyone else have this experience, and if so, is it connected to a disorder or syndrome or something?
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