Dear Friend, I am sorry to hear you feel so depressed. If you really feel suicidal you should call a hotline. If you need telephone numbers, let me know.
If you want to PM a community liason person they are here to help.
Do you have medicine you take? Maybe it is time to consider taking medicine or having the pdoc change the medicine you are on.
Every person has a gift to give to this world. Please don't leave us without finding a way to share the gift you came here to give the world.