I am in DBT right now, just started a month ago. My therapist told me she would be gone for a week so now I have to wait two weeks to see her. I went numb in session when she told me this - and left without saying a word. I was crying inside and she knew it. I was on the verge of a panic attack for the rest of the day. When I got home I couldn't rest - I could not shut down my mind. It's been like this for nearly 12 hours.

Between sessions we are allowed to call in for phone coaching when we need to... This is only during business hours and week days - NOT 24/7 like some DBT clinics have. The problem is - they want us to call ONLY for help in stabilizing ourselves - they do not want to talk about issues or help or lend a listening ear. They expect us to get to a certain point of instability before we call - which to me seems illogical since it gives me incentive to sit in more pain and potentially brings me closer to harming myself even further...

I cut myself a bit tonight, and I still am cutting and I just don't know how to stop these feelings and anxiety. I have tried breathing exercises but it doesn't work for me. One thought comes into my mind and I'm immediately back into panic mode.

I am having intense suicidal thoughts. I am getting uncomfortable by them. I am fantasizing plans and reactions to it.

I don't cut often - but when I do - it's only ever in the most intense of times. I miss my therapist so much. She's the only comfort I have sometimes and I'm trying to stretch out and expand my supports - but I am just not doing well. I don't consider myself the type of person that self-harms - but this is just getting unbearable. I am worried that their lack of support between sessions is going to lead me down an even darker path than before - where I will have to utilize self-harm to deal with the pain by myself.

I don't know what to do!

Thanks,
HD7970ghz