Bipolar med I'm ok with at moment as it's being given to me. Does a salt based med work against my blood pressure meds? I was on 3 different blood pressure meds. Now a 4th has been added, so I'm at $50 a month for all 4 with no improvement with blood pressure.

I really think if I stop everything alll at once, it will shock me hatd enough to get me in a really good long running mania mode which I need to get me off my arse to find a job so I can get some insurance. I'm telling you, since I started mental health med, I look back over the year, and see that I have become a lazy slob gor the first time in my life. I don't like what I see at all.

My t stays positive with me about waiting for my ssdi hearing. It's easy for him to be positive, as he's making an income while he's talking/listening to me. Do they just want me in a drugged passive state and away from society?

I'm sure the above makes no sense? So, my real question is this. I don't like where any of this is going. I want my old self back. The dependable and hard working self, albeit mad at the world, but for the most part I was independently surviving.

I am very close to gambling... Gambling a year of bipolar treatment and an odds heavily stacked against me ssdi case, to get in a highly mania state again to push myself out of this mess. What's the worse that may happen? That I may screw up again even worse than before, get into trouble and resist being arrested, and then they finish me off? What would be so bad about that?