Hi Oceanview,
Welcome to PC. From personal experience if you think you should probably be inpatient you are probably right. Over 7yrs ago I ended up in the hospital and was inpatient for only 5 days but those 5 days actually saved my life at the time. I really didn't go willing at first it was the love of some very caring individuals in my life that made it happen. I was scared to death to go but also knew I needed to be there to be safe. For me the day I went in was my rock bottom as it were. It has taken a tremendous amount of work with my therapist and medication changes over the years but I am in a much better place now. The road has not been easy along the way but it is well worth it on so many levels. Hang in there... If you ever want to send me a PM please feel free to do so I would be happy to talk and answer any questions you may have...