I had this chat today with T also. That i'm begining to understand what real relationship really is, its me and her sitting in the room communicating. Its not her the "fantasy" woman that will eventually reveal just that to me, rescue me, take me home. It will never be anymore then what wI am are already experiencing. But what I am experiencing may not be the perfect fuzzy mummy, but a genuine mature adult that has learnt to care for me as a valued human being and trys never to let me down and gives our theraputic relationship the best of professionalism that she has to offer. I just have to bit by bit, allow the fantasy to go and take hold of what is there. I think the transistion stage is hardest. For a while there it feels like I'm groping for the light switch unsure of where it is. But knowing it is there in reality. Just no one ever taught me that the moments in the darkness are ok, they're safe.
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