Leisel, As the afternoon wears on, I'm am becoming more and more aware of the belief T is willing to give to my thoughts and fears. I think I've spent yrs and yrs keeping myself quite! even my si is a secretive attempt to keep everything quite. I ingest stuff that keeps all memorys away. I walk around smiling because people on the outside are not aware of this stuff going on so deep inside, the swallowing of stuff no one can see, I can't be found out. I need to give myself as much chance at believing whoever holds these things as T does. I've got to learn to believe myself, trust myself, listen to myself. Whether it turns out to be false or not, I guess theres a reason for every thought, false or not.