Hi, Coffee Lover, I'm not sure I understand "which" way you are having problems. If I say to you, "You talk too much, just shut up!" and then apologize, are you still focused on thinking I think you talk too much and believing that or that I'm not sorry for having said that to you, that I don't really like you and am secretly glad I finally told you?

The problem I use to have was the first one, where someone would tell me I talked too much and it would hurt because it was, in fact, true. I got over that by realizing that I know it's true and I am working to change that, to learn better ways and that learning to change my behavior takes time. Knowing that I know that about myself and am compassionate to myself I can get a little angry/disappointed that the person snapped and said this without thinking, without knowing me very well or trying to help me with their insight instead of just trying to push me away. I also know, as you pointed out, they were just having a bad day of their own and were pushing me away because of forces inside themselves, their own problems and that is not about me! So, now, when they apologize, it is still their thing only now they are working to make amends with me and themselves and it is my turn to be kind and tell them, "No, it's all right, I'm glad you said what you did because I do often talk too much. I hope in the future you can help me with that, remind me more gently (and give a wry grin at the "shut up" not being gentle) and, in turn, I can help you?"

As you see, most of the difficulty lies inside yourself and how you want to think about and work with yourself.