I don't know.

In short, every day is a hardcore challenge to get by. As I always end up drifting at some point. And that doesn't seem to change anytime soon. Reality's like endless storming, and it seems to be distorted enough at this point. Why is it that every potential 'improvement' ends before it could even begin? Ain't life ironic. When you thought things could finally change for the better just for a little time (by trying to improve) - it pulls back the good changes immediately...anyhow. As if it'd troll hardly and whisper: "in your face, hopes crushed".

Everything that I fear every day is just another block of a demon's game...It's like I'm being tossed around for no particular reason...Being stuck on static repeat, nothing is important anymore, and finding care or interest (maintaining it) is very difficult. To get around this, I set my own challenges, such as a new projects, but I don't have the motivation at all. Regardless, now I'm fixated to write a book-like reminder thingie of sages' wisdom and general wisdom, how to live life, that sort of stuff. At the very least, I pretend to enjoy the ride.

It's priceless to 'feel dim', out of motivation and vim, but no complaining, because there is no use in wasting your breath...this emptiness is nothing new. I think I just accepted it in general and moved on. So what if I'm lazy? I just need to force myself to do the littlest things all the time. Eventually, I'll be able to do something, eh?

There are not many chances left to reach out to anyone; family couldn't care less and neither the society around me. I'm always forgotten very soon even if I'm recognized at times. I just had the urge to come here, maybe to have someone tell me that I'm not a lost cause, yet...The momentary comfort when I feel better is always gone so fast, and I end up falling back to the same state...