Yeah... I think there are more of us than you'd think! I'm probably a little older than you (40 - ugh!). All I can say is that if you don't actively do something to change it, it won't change... think of this as a message from your future self None of this stuff seems to fix itself (*sadly!*).

I've been reading the blog of the woman who set up"girlfriendcircles" (for women to connect with each other) and learning alot about types of friendships and being more open to friends. In the past, I've been too depressed and miserable to want to exert much effort in finding new friends (and it IS harder as you get older!). But, I'm starting to work on that now. Slowly, at a pace that doesn't overwhelm me.

One of the interesting things she mentions is that it's totally normal to replace about half of your friends over 7 years (due to people moving, getting married, getting busy, etc.) So we always need to "keep the pipeline open" for new friends.

Anyway... I could blab on a bit about that (I'm finding it fascinating, I don't work for her or anything)... but really... I know it's hard, but I'd encourage you to keep looking for a good therapist. I know you had an awful experience with the last one, so it's natural that you'd feel a bit gunshy about trying again. I had some bad experiences too (yes, including getting kicked out of therapy!) and just stopped for about 7 years. Took up piano, worked hard, saved money - but really haven't had any kind of life (no dating, not much socializing).

Don't waste the next decade of your life, the way I did - take a week, or a month if you need it to "regroup" - think about what kind of therapist would be *perfect* for you, what you need, what you think you'd get out of therapy, how you'd work best with someone (and what things would be red flags for you or not work for you). Maybe set a step to find some local therapists that look like good matches to do phone calls with or initials meetings (with no further committment yet). Or if there's no one locally, try looking for remote therapists?

I have to believe that stuff can get better. I thought I was completely hopeless after my last round of therapists... but so far (and I've only restarted this year), my new T is doing a good job. It's slow for me... but I'm ok with that. My new T is not at all perfect, but so far the difference between him and the previous ones is really unbelievable. I wish I had found him 10 years ago!

Good luck! Sorry the rambling... it's friday! Yay!