This is going to be kinda long...I apologize ahead of time. But this morning was hell, to put it lightly....

this morning started out fine...we laid around in bed before he had to get up to get ready for work. He finally got up to get ready...

He comes back in, and starts saying that he's done with the lies.

Then he threw his wedding ring at me (well, to the left of me).

I have NEVER claimed being innocent in our issues. I have emotionally cheated - NEVER physically. I have told him that many times. He says it doesn't matter. cheating is cheating. There is a young man I know who thinks i'm his gf, and he tells me he loves me. I only respond, but I have no emotional connection to him. I don't message him when I wake up. I don't make the effort to talk to him. He makes all the effort. My husband doesn't believe it. He thinks i'm attached to him.

During the arguments, I told my husband that while I don't claim being innocent by ANY means, he isn't either. That he has been controlling, and that him saying he was going to kill himself was emotional abuse. I also told him that I couldn't get the fact that he laid a hand on me off of my mind. He said that's why he was leaving now, so he wouldn't do it again. We ended up arguing for another 20 min....he didn't hit me....

But he claims he hasn't done anything wrong. That he wasn't controlling or emotionally abusive. That i make up lies to tell people. That I'm making this up. That I go talk to people online and my mom, but I won't talk to him. I told him the main reason i won't talk to him is because he gets upset instead of supporting me when I need it most. He didn't really have an answer for that...at least one that made sense.

I feel like such an idiot...I want to work things out. I want things to change. He claims that things won't change because I won't work on myself. I won't change how I act. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong!?! What the ****? (sorry, i'm still crying and upset...this wasn't even 2 hours ago)

Oh, and this all started bc I was invited to a party tomorrow night to celebrate the birthday of someone who passed away. I want to see some male friends I haven't seen in 4 years.

Last night...I reminded him of the party. and he got upset. he claims he was being "frank". He told me if I wasn't in the car by 545, he was leaving without me. He took a moment from me that I can't get back. My son pinned his bobcat badge for Cub Scouts last night. I asked my husband who was going to pin him. he said "I am" then turned around and refused to say anything else. I know I had a look of pain on my face. Hell, on the way to pick up my son for his meeting, i sat in the passenger seat, wishing I would disappear...I felt so small...so useless.

I'm sorry for the long post...I feel so lost. so hurt.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to make it work, but I don't know...