You have nothing to feel guilty for and something to be grateful for. You don't know that you were pregnant and with an IUD the possibility that you were is very low. And also, You should be grateful that you have not SI. I can only imagine how difficult that is for you but you have gone without for quite some time now and I am happy to see that. It might seem like there should be payback to you but I think there should be reward instead. You have done a good thing!!!!