Hello again. Not gone to long was I. Well this is what happened; I got to the hospital at 3:00 on wednesday. I talked a lot to my nurses and told them whats going on. We made a plan etc. My eating disorder t came in to try and plan of attack. She said she will teach them as best as she could how hard this disorder is and to stop making me feel guilty. So she did this on my chart. I still have not eaten but my t understands this and my reasons or fears of why. So this nurse that was on the last two days totally "pegged me" from the get go. Even my roomate made a comment that she will not let me get any rest. They all knew that I have been going off of 20hrs of sleep a week. But no, this nurse hounded me; literally. All I wanted is some time to rest before going full force into dealing with all of this. I was trying; very hard to talk and tell them how I feel and also told them that I know what I need. It was not good enough. My doctor put me on sleeping pills cause I needed the rest. But nobody took into consideration that I have been deprived of sleep and I so deperately need it.
Anyway, my pdoc came in this morning and totally freaked on me. Said I need to stop this bull ******. He was yelling and swearing at me. I told him I am trying very hard; I have been talking. I got both mornings early, had a shower, got dressed, made efforts to look half decent. This was not good enough for him. He continued to yell; I lost it. I yelled back and told him he was being inconsiderate. I said that I feel so guilty for killing my baby and I have been trying to talk about it; its one of my main issues right now. He continued to be a totally ******.
So I am home. I discharged myself. He did more harm than good. So I will deal with this from a home setting.
Talk to u all soon.
justy